Norm Bear

Norm Bear, the fastest growing bear on Facebook, was created by Mike Payne & Richard Digance. His take on life is quirky and his naivety provides many opportunities for humour.
I was born, like all bears, in the winter, in a forest where no-one goes and no-one knows. Mummy Bear had no problem feeding me, she said she could do it in her sleep, which is just as well because she was asleep. I am a brown bear but I would have been black and white if Mummy Bear had pandered to another bear’s wishes. Mummy and Daddy Bear once told me it was a mixed-race marriage because Mummy was a sprinter and Daddy once won the forest egg and spoon race.
Daddy Bear told me that a bald bear never fur-gets, he was wrong as my fur began to show after a few weeks. As I grew bigger each year my fur coat grew bigger too. My mouse friend’s coat never grew so he had to stay the same size. I grew up with my sister Martin and my brother Jumbo, who had a longer nose than the rest of us. My other brother never goes out. He’s called Den.
People ask me if I joined the cubs when I was young. I WAS a cub when I was young. I never went to school because I got lost. I asked the trees to help me but they didn’t know where the school was either. It was a dense forest. I still live in the dense forest. It’s safe and I beat all the trees at quizzes
I hibernate every year. Last year I slept for 8 months, what a party that was!
I fall asleep every October and wake up in May, so don’t expect a Christmas card. We usually sleep in hollowed trees, which makes me wonder how my panda cousins sleep in those tiny things you buy in garden centres. A giant panda sleeping in a bonsai tree? I don’t think so. That’s like me sleeping in a tea-cup, a Norm in a tea-cup you could say.
I can run at 35 mph which is why you never see me in the city, I would get caught speeding. But such speed helps me hunting just like an old fashioned video player, fast forward and then paws.
I love food, hearty meals of berries and leaves. I don’t often eat puddings because in the forest you just can’t see the pud for the trees. Porridge? No, that’s just a fairy tale. I have to put on lots of weight before I go to sleep for the winter so I suppose I’ll have anything that comes to paw. I love lots to drink too. No jokes about Coca Koala here but I love squash and my huge size allows me to squash anything I want and then drink it. I have an Amazon thirst for river water and one day would love to meet two big rivers Mr and Mrs Sippy.
That’s it really, I’m sure you’ll learn more about me as the weeks pass and I hope to learn more too. There’s so much I know nothing about, but I’m willing to learn from you all.